Poetry, stories and knitting

7 Things I Don’t Like About Men!!

1. The pretence that they can’t multi-task when really they can! (yes I’ve seen them scratching their hairy bits, whilst drinking beer and watching football).

2. They always seem to have copious carrier bags filled with fuses, wires, flexes, plugs, nails and other useless bits that they might one day use but never do!!! (And they’ll never let you throw them out.) (Tip: Do it whilst they’re not looking that’s what I do!!!)

3. They forget important anniversaries such as the first time you went to the cinema together or had a fish and chip supper…

4. They can be very lazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. They don’t talk much and when they do it’s about, computers, cars and gadgets…(yawn!!!)

6. They never tell the truth, e.g always saying ‘NO’ to the question ‘does my bum look big in this?’ when really you have an arse the size of an elephant!!! And had they told you the truth you wouldn’t spend the best part of an afternoon in the changing room of your favourite shop trying to squeeze into a pair of size 10 trousers when really you should have asked for a size 14!!!

7. They never take a hint, e.g ‘chocolates are really nice’ means I’d like chocolates please and ‘fine’ means it’s not!!!

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7 Things I Like About Men!

1. They get dressed quickly… so there’s never any waiting for them to get ready!

2. They don’t worry about much… I envy this because I worry about lots.

3. They’re excellent at reverse parking… something I’ve still to master!

4. Once they’ve decided you’re the one… they don’t care how rough you might look.

5. They know how to massage egos, e.g ‘does my bum look big in this?’ usually gets the reply ‘no babes you’re perfect!’

6. They do all the dirty jobs… putting the bin out, unblocking toilets…

7. They pay for you at the cinema, restaurants… (If yours doesn’t then it’s time to get a new one!!!)

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Tiny tunics for tiny people

Here’s a quick knit done in an evening. Can you see the hand of my customer trying to sneak it away!!!!

Tiny tunic

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Good things come in small packages?

I went through my school years being called ‘short arse’ because of my petite size.   I wasn’t perturbed by this name calling because even I as a 13 year old knew that people grew…. such was my naivety.

School days passed and adulthood commenced and still my height remained the same… I put this down to being a late developer… although my feet were growing at a rapid rate and ‘big foot’ was added to the repertoire of names  I was called.  I travelled through my world thinking, not that I was short, but that everyone else was freakishly tall… a healthy attitude I think… although psychoanalysts would probably call it self denial.

My career as a freelance storyteller further massaged the notion that I was of  ‘normal’ height as my storytelling audience ranged from  3 years old to 10 years old… Yes I felt like a giant among the little people.

But something has changed in my blueberry and chocolate chip muffin world…   School teachers are now mistaking me for their pupils as I roll up to tell a story they are ushering me from the reception desk and asking me why I am not in my lesson…  and as I protest I’m an adult they stare at me with incredulity and call other members of staff to gawp at me in amazement too.

I’ve always thought that the best things come in small packages e.g the micro chip and er…well… I  can’t think of anything else but I’m sure there are a lot of useful small things in the world…

Now I’ve just found out that you are 1cm taller in the morning than you are in the evening… come on give me a break that 1cm is very important to me… So I have no other option and have decided I’m never going out in the evening again!


Want to feel like a millionaire?

…it’s easy… do something you really like doing, that’s what I did and I feel richer for it. Half term means a step away from the curriculum and working with children without a clock ticking and Ofsted wagging a finger! This week has been fantastic fun. Teaching children to crochet made me feel like a millionaire. We made pom-poms to start off with, then we moved on to a spot of weaving and once the fascination had been cultivated, we then moved on to making chains with our crochet hooks. It was exactly the type of workshop that had me fascinated as a youth. I hope one of the many children I’ve worked with this week pursues textiles, if not as a career, as a very rewarding pastime.

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Winter Warmers

My latest creation. Initially it was supposed to be a cropped vest for myself…what was I thinking!!! Sense got the better of me and I embellished with a border to give it a little extra length… looks much better on me now!

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By Joanne Harris is my read of the month.

… it’s taken me a little time to get into it mainly because I’ve broken my rule of never watching the film before reading the book. I watched the film some time back. It’s taken about 50 pages in to forget Judi Dench and Juliette Binoche and close ups and long shots and all that cinematography jazz, although I have to confess the image of Johnny Depp still lingers!!!

Thus far… enjoyable…I’ll keep you posted…

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Dancing feet need super slippers…

Commission recently completed for a dancer that wanted something a little jazzy to relax in











Seven years since the war

had made no impression

the colours no imprint

on dull winter grey.

Six to a room, squeezed tightly,

England wasn’t ready

for white ankle-wrap wedged shoes,

red dresses at Trent Bridge,

where people gathered

to see amongst the colourless border

bizarre cocktails of yellows in May

whispering loud and bright.

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you

of things back then,

before the levels of frequency changed

and settled

to a hum,

an imitation stand back style

with conservative browns and bottle greens,

that challenged the notion of home.

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Hats off…

I get asked to make stuff all the time.

Here’s my latest commission: turn my favourite, now very worn, black hat into a funkier version









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